I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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