So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
