He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
