I want to make a zoo with you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
