there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
