Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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