I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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