Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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