i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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