I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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