we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
