Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize