Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
