Non-Jews are for practice
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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