I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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