And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
