she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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