I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
