Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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