I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
