Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
