I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
