She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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