How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
