so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
