I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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