apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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