What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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