I want you more than these girls want KFC
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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