Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
