If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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