In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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