Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
