i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
