Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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