I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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