if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize