It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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