DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
