How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
