So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
