Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
