no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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