i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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