R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
