The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
