And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
