My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
