First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
