If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They took my balls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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