she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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