I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
