She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize