is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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