Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
