God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
