White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
