I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Terrible idea I love it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
