why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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