That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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