tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well most of my day revolves around power hour
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
