This is not my ceiling
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
