Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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