If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
