are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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