She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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