I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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