like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize