I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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