I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
